May 2011
38 posts
“i look like a slutty barefoot mary poppins”
“ill take the chicken friend steak”
– strunks attempts to order chicken fried steak/have a boyfriend and fails
Do you have an ex-boyfriend thank you?
Have an ex you’ve been meaning to thank for teaching you that you don’t like butt sex? Let us know! And be sure to change their name to protect their privacy…..or not. Whichever.
Krunks has some ex-bf thank you's of her own....
Krunks:
Dear Ronnie,
Thank you for teaching me that big muscles do not equal a big (or even normal sized) dick.
Dear Charles,
Thank you for teaching me that if you date a black guy and you are a skinny, blonde white girl then his mother will most likely hate your fucking guts.
Dear Doug,
Thank you for teaching me that when your boyfriend has twin daughters and lives with his baby mama, then...
“ok seriously finding videos on youtube of retarded people bowling should be way...”
“strunks: i can haz boyfriend?
punks: no you can haz not”
“oh i agree
the only bed-shitting i plan on doing
will be a result of too much...”
– strunks
“so my headphones broke last night,
followed shortly by my balls
because i...”
“Anxiety is my super-power”
Thanks, ex-boyfriends!
Dear Ex-Boyfriends*,
*names have been changed to protect the guilty
We’d like to take this time to thank you for the lessons we learned from you while dating. So without much further ado….
Dear Don:
Thanks for teaching me its not normal for a guy to not cum during sex.
Dear Janus:
Thank you for teaching me that it’s better to keep your simultaneous conquests separated by states
...
DHAB Sale on Cardigans! Get 'Em While They're Hot!
Strunks: i wore mc hammer adidas 3-foot-crotch athletic pants
a patriots jersey with a long sleeve underneath
and a hoodie where i cut up the front of it to make it like a cardigan
to work last week
and my boss Said Something
he was like wow...thats not really an outfit is it
it would have been awkward if i'd cared At All
spoiler alert -- i didn't care At All
Punks: cutting up a sweatshirt to look like a cardigan is the funniest thing i've ever read
also, the saddest
Strunks: right?
no no legit
i have like 3
and i don't even try
so like
i cut right through the pouch
and then just let the 2 sides hang there
i do have a safety pin that i use to keep it closed
but thats just for formal occasions
like when the investor comes
my friend suggested that when the investor comes that i let her staple it shut in the morning before i leave
i'm not sure if it'll be as aesthetically pleasing as the safety pin
but i'm open to trying it
Punks: with the safety pin though, you can take it off if it gets hot
Strunks: exactly
i can make you one if you want
“so i just started to like, visualize myself on a beach with no intestinal track...”
“Yeah but, you know, I’m 2 years younger
I still have time to shit my...”
– Strunks’ younger sister, dhab runs in the family
“christ where are you, i just youtubed hilary duff videos
im fuckin dying over...”
– strunks makes a plea for help
“Ya, come over on thursday and we’ll do some painting
drink some wine...”
– punks&strunks make plans
He's REALLY not into you. Still. (Food Edition...
Strunks: you know what always cheers me up?
looking at pics of pedobear
Punks: that does it for me too
also mozz sticks
Strunks: i haven't had mozz sticks in years
i want to make them
is that hard?
making mozzy sticks?
Punks: well let me tell you how i would do it
i would take a package of mozz string cheese
put them in an egg wash
Strunks: dip in egg
YUP
Punks: coat them in breadcrumbs
then deep fry them
Strunks: roll in apremsan garlic bread crumbs
and broil
Punks: YUP
Strunkss: fuck we need to do this
Punks: yes we do
Strunks: ill bring my ketchup mayo
that i import from puerto rico
Punks: omg i love mixing ketchup and mayo
mayo and basil
mayo and garlic
i just dont like plain mayp
Strunks: mayo and mayo
mayo and my finger
“i call incorrectly done math, aggressive math
cuz if im gonna add something
im...”
“i used to listen to Our Lady Peace “are you sad” while crying in my...”
1 tag
Hold the phone. Does this mean Strunks in fact HAS...
if by boyfriend you mean a size 14 pants size then hell yes she does
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
1 tag
How is babbies made?
We’re not exactly sure but its something involving putting something in a microwave…
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
“im fucking jacked up right now
ive had 5 coffees and an expired claratin”
– strunks
“If I click this link for “Plus Size Bridal Dresses”
does it bring...”
– strunks
“when i laugh awkwardly to myself for 10 minutes, that probably should be your...”
– strunk’s sister on the fine art of wingmanning
“am i the only one who got hard when watching the glee promo where quinn slaps...”
– strunks
“its a medical fact that after a chick has a kid, her vagina feels like mashing...”
– strunks, M.D.
“it’s no coincidence that “don’t have a baby” and...”
– Punks & Strunks logic
“im glad you had a nice night
i spent MY night racing against the clock of my 5%...”
– Strunks
strunks: how is redbox not a porn site?!?!!?!
j-boog goes "is there a redbox near us"
punks: bc it's a regular movie rental lol
strunks: and i was like huh? ya it's pretty close if you're near a laptop
WTF
punks: hahahahaha
strunks: how is that NOT a porn site honestly
punks: idk
strunks: domain name FAIL
punks: pinkbox
strunks: thats so misleading!
punks: i bet thats one
strunks: thats like being like oh im going to CumBox...oh thats where you go to buy stamps
?!!?!?!?!?
punks: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
strunks: not ok!!!!!
“strunks: im not sure… im 90% sure that hinduism and arabism/muslimism are...”
– Facts! With Punks & Strunks!
“i think my cervix is holding up a white flag right now”