September 2010
118 posts
bakery dhab
K: do you think they sell 30-racks?
M: ....
M: of cupcakes?
K: ya
“SILF:
Sandwich I’d Like to Fuck”
– Punks. You’re welcome.
“A handful of trailmix that doesn’t contain an M&M is just god’s...”
– fuck THAT
piece of ass cake?
Strunks: i want a piece of cake so bad
Strunks: I would totally choose a piece of cake over a piece of ass right now
Strunks: and I've even had a piece of cake more recently than I've had ass
Chunks: who hasn't had a piece of cake more recently than they've had a piece of ass?
1 tag
yes
cuntpunt: pre-lunch snack : cheese slice, ketchup. pita
cuntpunt: followed by mint dark chocolate
cuntpunt: cause all snacks must have multiple courses
“Do you think the guy driving the 18 wheeler knew I was lifting my butt off the...”
– Punks…
sexting dhab 101
boy: what are u wearing
strunks: im naked
boy: hot! what r u doin
strunks: foraging in the fridge
boy: .....
strunks: oh fuck YES pumpkin pecan butter GET IN MY BELLY
I, Dhab
c: I made dinner reservations at Bit 26, you should bring your boyfriend
m: .....
c: or a date
m: .....
c: or you know, a dude of any kind
m: very funny
c: hahahaha i got a fuckin kick out of it
“I just tried to create an M&M with the word “rape” on it and the...”
– WIN
1 tag
hmm
C: how long is it acceptable to use the same plastic fork
and clean it only by licking it
cause its been a week. i eat with it, lick it clean, put it in my box in the office
C: occasionally if i dont have any food ill just chew on the fork a little bit
and then put it back
FTWP*
Face Time While Pooping: The iPhone 4 equivalent to TWP (texting while pooping)
Undershit (uhn-der-shit) verb
When an individual takes a huge shit and is bragging about it, the person (read: interloper) who immediately goes and takes a bigger and/or more impressive shit has performed an undershit.
Usage: I took a fucking major dump but then John came along and totally undershit me
Also: past tense- undershat
Usage: I undershat her so bad this morning because her TSR was pretty intense but I had lentils...
“i miss you like that panicky feeling when you havent had anything to eat all day...”
penis fly trap
Punks: i like to bring guys home and then refer to my vagina as a "penis fly trap"
Strunks: that is disgusting
Punks: i know right its awesome
“a fuck load of cheese”
– what a strunks wants, what a strunks needs, whatever makes her fatter and its cheese
wall street
Strunks: its 7am in the morning, we're still drunk from last night, and we are scamming on dudes
Krunks: rapists never sleep
“He busted out of my apartment so fast I literally thought there was a fire, I...”
– Strunks brings home a piece of ass;fucks it up
“Is sitting alone at a bar in Legal Seafoods, drinking wine, and drawing cartoons...”
“So you’re telling me that you needed to TSR so violently that you ripped...”
– Strunks, to Punks, in one of the (far and few between) incredulous moments in their friendship
“I was taking my panties down in a violent rush the other day, you know, it...”
– Punks…who are you kidding, no one would ever see them anyway.
“When I was driving around yesterday, there was a hair stuck right in front of my...”
– Punks (who coincidentally has a shaved head so there was no reason in the first place to believe the hair was coming from her head. Yeah, fuck her life.)
“Fucking Sharktopus comes out this weekend and we are going to dress up like...”
– when you cream yourself over Sharktopus, you DHAB
“I just hate kids and I don’t give a fuck if someone pinched someone”
– Our friend who works at a school. For kids.
work dhab
krunks: i just called into work and i told them i couldn't come in because i had diarrhea
Strunks: ...
strunks: wow so that was like only viable option for a lie you could come up with?
krunks: pretty much
krunks: i wish it wasn't a lie
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street food
Strunks: ok unrelated. But there is a hot dog in the street outside my work and I'm seriously tempted
Krunks: do it.
Strunks: i'm sending you a picture of it
Strunks: did you get it?
Krunks: oh ya wow thats a hot dog in the street alright. its even in a bun?
Strunks: ya and i think i see mustard too but it's too far away
Strunks: FUCK a seagull is raping it
Strunks: fuck you seagull
songs on repeat make me dhab
kahluainmycoffee: i hope everyone in the building enjoys chiddy bang as much as i do.....
asexualreproductionforthewin: oh if they dont then they need to fuck their lives so hard until they die.
asexualreproductionforthewin: similar to how people in my building who DONT heart listening to hold yuh by gyptian ft nicki minaj on repeat at top volume 24/7 need to fuck their own lives so hard until they die
asexualreproductionforthewin: i listened to it 12 times in a row last night NO SWEAT and i cranked it
asexualreproductionforthewin: TAKE RAPE
Wait, why don't I have a boyfriend?: The Play -...
Punks: [on an escalator, brushes guy's hand accidentally] Hey. It was really nice almost holding your hand there for a second...
Guy: [looks over at Punks, tilts head in a look of confusion, runs down escalator]
End scene.
2 girls who dhab
Strunks: do you want to see the social network with me when it comes out. because you are my boyfriend and thats what couples do they go see movies. win or fail you decide.
Junks: Wait....I thought you were my boyfriend? Either way, I would love to go see it with you. I also want to see The Town. Maybe for one movie I can be the boyfriend and the next one you can be the boyfriend?
“I just drank a glass of milk and now I’m going to crap my pants in my car.”
– Punks.
“Who just sat on the pot for a full hour and considers it the best part of her...”
“What’s the point of a wine rack? Who has wine around long enough to...”
– Punks…
“The worst part of being single is buying condoms and anyone who says otherwise...”
Factorape (fahkt-or-aype) noun
Deriving from the word “factory”, factorape is used to describe an individual who rapes on such a frequent basis that it’s as if they are manufacturing rape extremely efficiently. Usage: I was at the bar for 3 hours and I’m such a factorape that by the time I left, there were 5 guys there who regretted meeting me
1 tag
Ever seen the Human Centipede? I think you'd like...
UMMMM we love that movie so much. we love it because its so gross that it makes us throw up which is sorta like pooping except cooler. its like your stomach is a blender and what you throw up is a smoothie!
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
“I just remembered that the hot guy I crush on bought me a glass of wine last...”
– yes you dhab
fail
Krunks: wait what did you just call him?
Strunks: Dave Penis
Krunks: its Pleyna. Dave PLEYNA
Strunks: are you serious right now
Strunks: i thought you said it was penis!!!!!!
Krunks: you thought that guys name was penis? and thats what you called him all night?
Strunks: umm hes in my phone under penis
Strunks: all caps
“That guy asked if we were twins and I was like no we just wear matching flannel...”
– Krunks and Strunks dhab
wwdihab?
(508): i ate 3 calzones, a piece of pizza and a cookie with googly eyes on it
(508): yes you read that right. googly eyes.
(508): and im still drunk
(617): its 8:15 am are you serious right now
“He said wanna go make out on the wharf and I was like yup”
“There are 2 random numbers in my phone, blood all over my purse and I just...”
– time to stop drinking? nope. dhab.
“I just got hit on by a post-op former dude lesbian and still, the most...”
– Strunks
1 tag
It's pretty simple to avoid. Learn to eat cats now...
do you mean learn to eat pussy? cuz ya at this point that’s probably our only available option. I mean, how hard can it be? Basically we’d picture a plate of spaghetti and just throw our tongue all over that mess like we’re trying to clean the plate
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
1 tag
Why don't you have a boyfriend?
It’s true that it’s hard to stay single when your main interests are food, toilet shit rape, using the word ‘rape’ excessively (rape!), and RAAAAPPPPEEEEEEEEEE
Rape?
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
1 tag
I don't know you. Who are you/why are you...
Who are you? Do you like poop and also food? Are you a guy and single? We are AVAILABLE
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.