August 2010
159 posts
“I smell monneeyyyyyyyyyyyy”
– Strunks, to the cute guy at bar who just revealed he’s a surgeon. Coming up: did he ask for her number? We’ll keep you in suspense!!!!
jesus.dhab.
potential boyfriend: hey do you wanna go get sushi sometime?
K: omg sushi GET IN MY BELLY
a classic dhab convo
boy: I wanna come rage with you
girl: Rage with me? I'm sitting alone in the dark with a candle listening to the cars go by
“my armpits are sticky and It’s confusing”
– Strunks
“He’s so hot it makes my dick hurt”
– Strunks
“You’re looking very judgmental right now…”
– Punks’ Friday night date at Pinkberry. How do you think it went?
“when i don’t drink, my hands shake
normal?”
– Strunks
Fantasies about the sweet, sweet end
Punks: stabbing?
Punks: sure, why not
“It was 12am on a Sunday night and where are we? Cruising in the dark through...”
– sisters who dhab
when u creep, u dhab
(508): just making sure that a m&m mcflurry and a late-night Sunday creep beep were completely necessary
“I just put 3 days worth of whiskey, seafood and shame into the toilet”
“And I thought to myself, I’m playing with my belly button hair. I’m...”
– Punks, rip life…
DHAB texts
(607): I just woke up hungover to 8 missed calls from the pizza guy cuz apparently I ordered a bacon pizza last night and passed out before it got here
(607): what do you think the chances are that he left it on the stoop
(508): am i supposed to just ignore the fact that you just used the word 'stoop'?
punks
Punks: i just made it so we get ads on wwdihab now
Punks: why do I keep getting ones about abnormal periods tho
Punks: its like the ads know I dhab
when strunks works for you, you fail (and she...
takerapeisay: I am about to call a client and just deliver them so much rape, here is a scrub up for how the convo is going to go:
takerapeisay: oh hello, i have a delivery for Christine...Christine Johnson?
takerapeisay: yes this is Christine
takerapeisay: oh hellllllllo christine, I have a delivery for you from a Strunks?
takerapeisay: oh, what is it?
handjobsforhomelessmen: ahhhhhhhhh dyinggggggggggggggggggggg
takerapeisay: it appears to be a dumptruck ma'am and it..it would appear that the dump truck is filled brimming full of steaming, fresh, farm to table RAPE
handjobsforhomelessmen: farm fresh rape, you say?
takerapeisay: oh, farm fresh is an understatement ma'am
takerapeisay: its so fresh, its green around the ears
takerapeisay: and it is HOT
takerapeisay: SO fresh
takerapeisay: and just SO SO hot
“Want to play the next installment of “guess what fat bitch from our high...”
– Punks- you may dhab, but you also WIN
“You know who doesn’t have a boyfriend?
Ugly fat bitches.”
wait.....
Punks: watcha doin?
Strunks: stalking
“Wait that’s a state?”
– Strunks in response to West Virginia
“I pulled up to a red light and was waiting when a fucking hot piece walked by to...”
– you dhab
Here, kitty kitty
K$: it's fine
like i said, i like being alone for the most part
Punks: yeah
K$: i would ideally like to find a sane, not-too-needy, intelligent, and for the love of GOD - semi-attractive - dude someday
but i'm not in a rush
Punks: we're all young
K$: exactly
and there's always cats
jk
they're horrible at giving oral
Punks: hahaha i bet they are
small, gritty tongues
K$: long tickley whiskers
i'm getting the heebies just thinking about it
K$: shoving jelly bracelets filled with hormones in the vag canal for life
Punks: apparently
and it doesn't fall out?
K$: no. my vag muscles are big and strong like sly stallone's biceps
Punks: oh, good
very good
K$: also, i'm a borderline virgin so it's not like things have been stretched out up there
“It’s like pooping, except a period”
“one day of regulars, one day of supers, half a day of regulars, lite until that...”
– K$
Tampon usage play-by-play FTW…and FTDHAB
Girls don't poop? HA..... →
Male readers, you are welcome:
theoriginalK$: fyi the lite tampons are for the "mississippi mud" phase of the period.
i thought everyone knew that
Punks: hahahaha
i'm not sure what that is
and i'm not sure i want to know
theoriginalK$: i cannot possibly be the only one who gets that phase
because i didn't come up with that term
Punks: i am not finding suitable explanations on urbandictionary.com
theoriginalK$: oh for christ
it's at the very end of the period
Punks: you don't have to explain if you don't want to
theoriginalK$: when the flow is super light
Punks: i just have no clue what you're talking about
theoriginalK$: and it's not bright red...it's just like a brown, thicker consistency
Punks: oh gosh
are you ill?
i don't think i've ever had that experience
theoriginalK$: nope
i've had it all my life
Punks: ill have to ask Strunks
theoriginalK$: and i know i'm not the only one
Punks: she does have a color chart posted somewhere on wwdhab
and i remember "cafe" being one of the colors
maybe she'll know
theoriginalK$: even now that i'm on birth control
yes i believe it would fall under "cafe"
Punks: i'm sure you're not the only one
theoriginalK$: it's nasty
Punks: i hope i'm not the only one!
theoriginalK$: anyway, the flow of it is way to light to ever fill up an entire regular tampon, so you have to use the lite ones
Punks: so interesting
theoriginalK$: isn't it?
i'm more fascinated by periods than squicked out by them
apparently period blood is full of stem cells and such
Punks: "squicked out"
i like that
i'm about to give some major clownface tonight
so there's that
theoriginalK$: your guy is lucky
and he definitely won't be anemic after tonight
Strunks: too true
nurturing fail=dhab
Strunks: Adam's son just called the office crying like a little bitch
Coworker: Isn't he 4?
Strunks: Ya. I know. Man the eff up, right?
1 tag
hi strunks it's jack this blog is awesome and...
JACK you rock, did u send this before or after I asked you if it was ok to eat beef? cuz if it was before ,then IRONIC. miss u
1 tag
sex
i wish :(
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
1 tag
who are you, and why do you persist with friend...
ACCEPT.
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
1 tag
would it be a win or a fail to poop during rape
mostly a win, but you could be risking death. fail for the dick.
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
1 tag
if i pooped now, what would happen tomorrow?
parade. your honor.
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
1 tag
do you accept rape?
Yes. All forms.
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
phone sex dhab
potential boyfriend: describe your pussy for me
girl: it's so.....it's really......fat?
: :click::
“hell i spend 50 bux on whiskey a night when i go out
and what do i get?
a...”
The Great Tampon Debate of '010
snuffmymuff: so you want to rape me with cold hard reality?
i'm sorry that sometimes my blood flow is a little lighter than yours
you know what, i'm not sorry
sometimes a regular tampon is just right for me
and the other half of the week i'll use the super like a champ, like you
the real problem lies with the women who can use "light days" tampons
are those for the other days of the month when you're not having your period, because i really REALLY do not understand the concept of "light days"
rawdietsr: hahahahah
win for you
oh i'm sorry miss pussycat
excuse me that i don't want to stick things with the breadth and absorbency of MATCHSTICKS up my vag
snuffmymuff: do some women wear tampons every day?
rawdietsr: it would seem so
snuffmymuff: that must be what the light ones are for, right?
rawdietsr: since apparently
snuffmymuff: TSS ladies, TSS
rawdietsr: light days is a subset of tampon that actually sells
snuffmymuff: beware
rawdietsr: i want TSS
snuffmymuff: you would
rawdietsr: one of the "symptoms" to "beware of" is incessant vomiting
WIN
snaquarium, you dhab
theweepies: i am so inconsistent with my vag pube upkeep
theweepies: i'll let it go for so long and itll be like 3 diff lengths
theweepies: its really ridiculous
snaquarium: ya but u have a steady source of poontang so its fine
snaquarium: i on the other hand
snaquarium: must be manicured at a moments notice
snaquarium: due to my penchant for sluttyness and booze
Open letter to whoever stocked the womens bathroom...
I want to rape you with hard, cold reality
dhab?
keisterstash: he wants me to lube up my hand with lotion and just jerk him off each morning
keisterstash: NO
keisterstash: i refuse
keisterstash: if im gonna jerk u off then its gonna be hot, dry, and really fast then stop
Punks: how are you?
enjoying single life already i hope
Holly: I'm not totally "single" yet.
We're still together, dissolving
disintegrating, but together. I don't know how much longer it's going to last. he says I have a substance abuse problem.
Punks: haha
Holly: First off, so what. Second, I don't.
“With a machete. From across the room.”
– Cheksy, on how she cuts butter
yet another convo that makes you dhab
Strunks: ok so there was a cockroach in the supply closet and everyone was freaking out so I cunningly trapped it and then carefully separated its head from it's body with a box cutter
Chunks: OMG STFU why did we never do this in Maui?!?!?!!
Strunks: I know right? The head has now been running around for like 10 mins in the makeshift terrarium I made it
Chunks: AMAZING
Strunks: Right now I'm commencing a series of experiments on it, the first of which is called "How much will it heart/not heart having Glade Hawaiian Breeze air freshener sprayed in its face?"
Chunks: Ah yes, very scientific
cat pee accusations make me dhab
[8/25/2010 5: 18:01 PM] Strunks: r u hearing the rape i am giving right now???
[8/25/2010 5: 18:46 PM] Punks: fuck i missed it, what happened?
[8/25/2010 5: 19:13 PM]Strunks: ive been hollering about the reek of cat piss for like 7 minutes
[8/25/2010 5: 19:20 PM] Strunks: i specifically targeted Jon and asked him how many cats he had
[8/25/2010 5: 19:24 PM] Strunks: not even if he had cats, but how many
“I’m not above raping another man’s birthday cake”
– Strunks
and we wonder why...
willwork4jizz: tony called me and i was like wtf and i obv didn't pick up
and he left a voicemail being like "i wanna see you again"
i was like hahahahhahahahahha omg
classsssssssssic
want more tony? still hungry?
apparently, it would seem
people seem to develop an insatiable thirst for rape
like
twice was apparently not sufficient
he wants more
eyepoofoyou: hahahahahahahaha
what are you gonna do??
bring him to the event on thurs
willwork4jizz: hahaha nah
but it's HILAR that basically
the rule is
the more you treat a guy like shit
the more you push their face in shit and just completely ignore them
the more they are convinced that they desperately need you in their life
it's an important lesson to learn
eyepoofoyou: then just tell him to show up later in the night if you wanna face rape him but can't be bothered with conversation
a convo that makes you dhab
Boyfriend: are you out with dudes right now
Girlfriend: Yup
ladies who lunch
winorfailyoudecide: im going to eat lunch with my stuffed bear soon, would you care to join us at all?
papelBOMB: thanks but im actually going to lunch with my hot boyfriend
papelBOMB: ....ya ill be right in