October 2009
71 posts
“Janey: I am totally twping (texting while pooping) right now
Janey:it’s...”
– texts received from my coworker
(425): Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume....
Super d-hab
katcutyourtongue:
(via hugesuccess)
D-HABERS- UNITE!!!!!!
Have you been pooping recently and found a WWDIHAB card wedged beneath the seat? Waiting tables and found one attached to your bill? Noticed any WWDIHAB cards on bulletin boards or scattered along bars? Inserted into the card slots in ATMs? Lingering in dark alleys? Eyeing you creepily from across the room while stroking the front of it’s pants?
Here’s your opportunity! Find one of...
-coworker's answer to my question: is it ok to...
craxygalaxy9: omg
craxygalaxy9: i used to drink during class to the FACE all the TIME
craxygalaxy9: put whiskey in a pepsie bottle
craxygalaxy9: wioth some pepsieof course
[10: 45:07 AM]craxygalaxy9: and chug away...i called it thirsty thurs cuz i was like the only one who had class thurs and i was like fuck u college
[10: 45:07 AM] craxygalaxy9: one time
craxygalaxy9: in sociology
craxygalaxy9: i got so drunk i went to the bathroom threw up and returned to class
craxygalaxy9: it was so classy
[10: 46:03 AM]craxygalaxy9: especailly awesome cuz i got a little barf on this scarf i was wearing
craxygalaxy9: and didnt notice it
craxygalaxy9: and sat the rest of the class with barf on me
craxygalaxy9: BETTER STORY
[10: 46:17 AM] craxygalaxy9: i went out one night in italy with that italian douchenozzle
[10: 46:17 AM] craxygalaxy9: everclear and absinthe TO THE FACE
[10: 48:58 AM] craxygalaxy9: got so drunk i couldnt even talk
craxygalaxy9: pissed my pants and then threw up on myself inside his new jeep [10:49:28 AM] craxygalaxy9: went home, put all the clothes i thought had pee/puke on them in the wash
craxygalaxy9: flash forward tot brooklyn 4 months later
craxygalaxy9: im getting ready to go out and chelsea goes dude theres something on ur shirt
[10: 49:52 AM] craxygalaxy9: and i look
craxygalaxy9: and its barf
craxygalaxy9: its the same barf from that night
[10: 50:06 AM] craxygalaxy9: i never washed the shirt
craxygalaxy9: and had worn it mutliple times [10:50:19 AM] craxygalaxy9: i know because there was a lentil crusted there
[10: 50:25 AM] craxygalaxy9: and what i had to eat that night was lentils
gangsteraper: u r a class act
[10: 50:28 AM] craxygalaxy9: FOR THE WIN
“[10:54:33 AM] gangsteraper: awwww see i told you!
[10:54:39 AM] gangsteraper:...”
– my coworker to me after asking if a guy called me after our “date”
“Let me know when we can get our shop on today at American Apparel. Be sure to do...”
– The latest installment of “File Under: Things My Co-workers Send Me Over Work Email” (via somuchsass)
Is this why?
KWStrunks: OMG I LOVE your new haircut.
PDPunks: Thank you, thank you.
KWStrunks: It's the perfect cut for you.
PDPunks: Even though I look like a boy if I take off my makeup and earrings, yes.
KWStrunks: A really HOT boy. I would totally hit on you and be like "hey, uhm, do you, uhm, do you wanna go get a drink, uhm, after work, uhm?" And then you'd be like, "Strunks, it's me, Punks." Yeah.
PDPunks: I'd definitely date you.
“kimcheetoilettime: is he single
kimcheetoiltetime: id spoon his butthole FOR...”
– about the new guy in the office
I call this, "How Can I Wisely Spend Three Hours'...
RAWR!!!!
“wringthealarm5: dude
wringthealarm5: can i just say
wringthealarm5: that this...”
– is this why. when u poop hair, does that become the reason why?
“whyischeesesogood: in related news
whyischeesesogood: major just told me do the...”
– is this why? please someone tell me
I keep a piece of paper taped to my fridge where I keep track of all the awesome combinations of food that my friend and I have consumed over the past few months.
Then I rate the combinations, one star meaning pretty average (for example, #14: spaghettios mixed with mayo, raw garlic, and salsa and dipped into with tortilla chips) and three stars representing something more like # 34 (my personal...
““Dude, Cohn just told me not to drink the milk in the fridge cuz its gone...”
– my quest to acheive massive case of food poisioning pushes onward. is this why?
Early morning text convos at the office
kanyeworst: dude TWPing right now
greatballsoffire: sweet
kanyeworst: its definitely at least a couric
kanyeworst: i take that back. make that 2 courics
kanyeworst: no no no its three. its definitely three
greatballsoffire: fyl
kanyworst: im gonna need yoiu to go ahead and bring me a coat hanger or something to break this sucker up cuz there is no way its gonna go down that tiny pipe
Hello fellow WWDIHABers!
Have you been pooping recently and found a WWDIHAB card wedged beneath the seat? Waiting tables and found one attached to your bill? Noticed any WWDIHAB cards on bulletin boards or scattered along bars? Inserted into the card slots in ATMs? Lingering in dark alleys?
Here’s your opportunity! Find one of our WWDIHAB business cards, snap a pic and send it to us at wwdihab@gmail.com along with...
“Why are you still single?” Because I rank sitting across from a chewing stranger...”
– MagdaAnnegrete: (via luvvbugg)
Is this why?
Inappropriate things to email your ex-girlfriend...
A perfect recipe for WWDIHAG (Wait, why don’t I have a girlfriend?)
Because THIS is why. For sure.
sharingtime:
Start your email with “Hey girl (who has let me do unspeakable things to her), what’s up?”
Refer to the used car you just bought as “some other guy’s sloppy seconds” followed by “your new boyfriend knows all about that” and then put three thousand winky emoticons after
...
"Shit Dick: Buttholes are for pooping not fucking,...
ieatyougood: god
ieatyougood: fml
ieatyougood: still no text wtf
ieatyougood: i decided to write a short story
ieatyougood: called
ieatyougood: "shit dick ruined my life" by k.w. strunks
ieatyougood: there once was a boy and girl
ieatyougood: k.w. wanted him to give her a pearl
ieatyougood: but what she got instead
ieatyougood: was butt rape in his bed
ieatyougood: and the shit on his dick made him hurl
ieatyougood: he pulled out and looked down
ieatyougood: and how he did frown
ieatyougood: when he saw what a mess she had made
ieatyougood: what was on his dick?
ieatyougood: he began to get sick
ieatyougood: because it was covered in brown
ieatyougood: "u got shit on my dick"
ieatyougood: he shouted as he got up quick
ieatyougood: and made a quick dash for the door
ieatyougood: but he slipped on the floor
ieatyougood: and how he did deplore
ieatyougood: as he became sick on his shit covered shit dick
ieatyougood: the girl was confused
ieatyougood: so she reached for her shoes
ieatyougood: and wondered why her butthole did ache
ieatyougood: then she remembered the place
ieatyougood: where she had drunk Jack to the face
ieatyougood: and how in her anus his shit-dick had baked
ieatyougood: like a warm brownie pie, and a tear came to her eye
ieatyougood: and herself she wanted to kick
ieatyougood: cuz she had liked this boy
ieatyougood: whose name wasnt roy
ieatyougood: but she got drunk and took a shit on his dick
ieatyougood: the end
ieatyougood: now the boy went to town
ieatyougood: to take a look around
ieatyougood: and went to a store to buy pants
ieatyougood: and the clerk was surprised
ieatyougood: in her throat vomit did rise
ieatyougood: when she saw that his dick was all brown
ieatyougood: she said son, what the fuck
purplemonstermaker: wait, i thought that was the end
ieatyougood: (oh no it continues i need to vent thru poetry)
purplemonstermaker: very nice
ieatyougood: eh hem
ieatyougood: she said, son what the fuck
ieatyougood: u look like a duck
ieatyougood: that just took a swim in some poo
ieatyougood: and he said lady, it sucks
ieatyougood: for this girl i did fuck
ieatyougood: and now it looks like i'm SHIT out of luck
ieatyougood: ok
ieatyougood: the end for real
“I must’ve dome something really stupid last night. Henry is never going to...”
– coworker contemplating giving up alcohol to save chances of earning a boyfriend, then realizing it was probably a lost cause anyway
SAD FACT: I can't hang porn on my office wall.
I will find a way.
ex-genius:
synecdoche:
ex-genius:
The door has a window in it.
thumbnails of porn, so people can’t see unless they enter your office and look really closely.
Actually highly pixelated anything is a really funny idea.
The Idea
theyellowducky: dude
theyellowducky: idea:
sillybluefishy: tell me
sillybluefishy: now
theyellowducky: im going to make a fake #$$%^^ account w fake name
theyellowducky: take tons of pics of me pooping
sillybluefishy: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
theyellowducky: send to Johnathan to "process"
sillybluefishy: im liking where youre going with this
sillybluefishy: youll have to go to like a faraway library to create the account
sillybluefishy: so it cant be traced back to you
theyellowducky: thats fine
theyellowducky: its worth it
theyellowducky: like just 50 pictures
theyellowducky: my face obscured
sillybluefishy: totally
theyellowducky: all of me pooping
theyellowducky: just straight up pooping
sillybluefishy: and some of the poop in the toilet
sillybluefishy: i like it
sillybluefishy: make it 50 pictures of u pooping and then add in one random thing, like a wedding thank you card or a receipt for gas or something
sillybluefishy: just one thing not related to the poop
“I just do not understand how someone could refuse to poop. That is beyond my...”
– to a coworker. WWDIHAB.
“theyellowducky:question
theyellowducky: do u think that chicken is rotten by...”
– this be why?
“[1:36:09 PM] theyellowducky: just because i like to keep u abreast of my...”
– is it even within the realm of possibility that this could be why?
“That’s what I was doing last night, I was chewing Halloween candy and then...”
– my coworker is on a diet….
Hey, friends!
How about becoming a friend of WWDIHAB at these other cool locations:
FACEBOOK!
www.facebook.com/wwdihab
TWITTER!
http://twitter.com/wwdihab
“Wait, so you’re telling me I’ve been wrong about the philosophy upon...”
– a coworker, as she was about to leave for a date
WWDIHAB: poetry
I'd like to shit
Until I die
And that's why I want
E Coli
Is this why?
“__k__ is gonna be late so it’s gonna be just u n me until she gets there....”
– my text to my date about our mutual friend arriving late to the bar…could this be why?
Believing everything you read = DHAB
Case in point:
A post-it not on the refrigerator:
Alas, there was no cake inside. And now I am sad. Is this why?
“I am so twping* u right now. *text while pooping”
– a coworker, mid-poop, in a bathroom fifteen feet away from me
Is this D-HAB?
Pooping with the door open?
Thank you
sixstepfailure
biancauseyourtelescope
forky
juneonthewestcoast
drunkondoomsday
sleeperisms
jdulayftw
panda-is-smitten
constantreader
ohjackie
pizzaexplosionsurprise
thank you for your support.
D-HAB: I wish I could say that I wished I had...
biancauseyourtelescope:
Because I wish I had someone. But I’m not desperate.
(via sixstepfailure)
D-HAB: Intimacy
chikkachikkayeah: eww
ryan broderick: girls love getting butthole munched
ryan broderick: everyone knows that
chikkachikkayeah: i guess im not a girl
chikkachikkayeah: meaning youre gay :(
chikkachikkayeah: :(
chikkachikkayeah: but so dreamyyyyy
ryan broderick: then you should lemme go to town on your brown
chikkachikkayeah: nevarrr
DEFINITELY why
Rhyme time
xxxxxxxn: i told him fix this for XXXXfXXXX or its nighty nighty keep your butthole tight
xxxxxxxn: ok he's on it