August 2011
7 posts
LDT
strunks: ok so
its 355.....
FUCK OFF 355
punks: hahahahahaha
fuck off "light days tampons"
strunks: oh srsly
you have no point, ldt
punks: none at all
i'd like to meet a girl who uses them
so i can slap her
and tell her to cut the shit
strunks: me too
i like my tampons to feel like they are fisting me
“I wouldn’t call myself a “connosseur” so much as an...”
– strunks on wine
Punks: i sat in my bed from 630 till i fell sleep at 1230
i had some AloneWine
and some AlonePizza
and some AloneRanch
and i watched an AloneMovie
that was terrifying
but i still jerked off to it
job dhab
strunks: "what is the cloud?" "whats a browser?" "what is a server?"
strunks: all these questions were just asked to me by a woman on the phone
punks: EW
punks: did you hang up
strunks: i pantomined shooting myself 9 times, hung myself once, and ended by sliding down out of my chair onto the floor when I then fired off two more rounds into my open mouth
punks: that is the best response, short of it not being a pantomime, but being real
Punks & Strunks rough song list for their upcoming...
1. I cum money (“oh ya lost a dolla?/check my dick/fuck the lost and found”)
2. Dick lift-off ( “i need dick lift off/ fuckin rocket ship/ imma gone cum so hard/ya fuckin tooth will chip”)
3. Cock aerobics (“when I work out wit cha/ im a lose and not gaina’/dont need a fucking gym/cuz ya cock’s my personal trainer”)
4. Dick Bedazzler (“I...
“Well i’m gonna go piss out my ass, get on the train
maybe buy some 30s of...”
– punks bids strunks a fond goodbye on gchat
July 2011
12 posts
Watch(Note: Lil Wayne has not been made aware that this is his next hit. Our people are currently in talks with his people.)
WatchPunks&Strunks do a dramatic reading of Lil Wayne’s upcoming hit “I cum money”, written by Punks&Strunks
WatchNahp Slahp!
strunks attempts to sext punks' bf with a hot...
strunks: ah waht a nahked pac-ture ah yah
Hunk: no
strunks: im a spagatta nadle
Hunk: smooth
strunks: fahck! shaht!
Hunk: no
strunks: i wahnt a pakture
strunks: thas ahs fahcked ahp
Hunk: until you play fair, no soup for you
strunks: i whant tha sap!
strunks: gahv me tha sap o alse!!!!!
Hunk: or else what
strunks: i lahk mah sap ta ba hat and I lahk mah sap ta ba sahved ta ma whan ah ahsk fa aht!
Hunk: ya no
“i was formulating my to-do list in my head
first was to buy a bottle of wine...”
– punks
1 tag
Why do older men give the best oral?
Perhaps it is because they feel they must make up for being older. Because really, how often do younger guys give oral at all, nevermind if it is “good” or “bad”. A few times in the beginning and then they forget to give at all. Blow job city or you DHAB.
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
“my boss asked me what i was doing so i said “fuck off im writing...”
– strunks
“TPD: stands for Total Poop Disappointment. Please also see: Opposite of TSR”
June 2011
14 posts
“Boners Without Boundaries: A show where we travel the world finding awesome...”
– Punks & Strunks tv programming, coming soon
1 tag
The videos you guys posted are essentially...
So you also do not have a boyfriend?
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
1 tag
why does your face look like that
jizz facials
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
1 tag
Are u a clown?
YES, we are a clown
Ask us, and we just might tell you something useful.
“punks: hmm i shit hair this morning
strunks: again?”
“bedazzle my boner
ya thats my dick
stick some jewels on this bitch
make sure...”
– Strunks wrote a rap about bedazzling your own dick
when you mcgoo, you dhab
strunks: no im gonna leave at 530 tomorrow
thats why im working late tonight
so maybe ill be home by like 7/8
and then u mcgoo, and the other mcgoo can go mcgoo
sister: sounds mcgoo
strunks: ok its a mcgoo
ill mcgoo u when we are on our way home
lets go to mcgoo becuz if i have to go to mcgoo one more time ill lose my mind
i hope we dont run into mcgoo
he mcgoos me out
sister: k what mcgoo do you want to mcgoo to?
strunks: ummm how about we mcgoo to eastbay? i know mcgoo likes eastbay so he can mcgoo the cougars there
sister: true...hopefully its a nice night and we can mcgoo outside
run thisd past mcgoo
get his mcgoo thoughts
strunks: i will but im sure he'll mcgoo with it
lets just mcgoo with the flow
when the past comes back...
pattycake: In which I got drunk last night alone, texted "talk me off" to you and accidentally sent it to a kid i used to work with at a flower shop whose name is sam
snappea: oh the kid you banged in the freezer?
Watch
Watch
WatchPunks& Strunks try out the latest dancing craze….The BERNIE
Watch
“i like it when i can combine threats of physical violence with racial slurs”
“Some women use back massagers as vibrators. I use vibrators as back massagers.”
– Punks
May 2011
38 posts
“i look like a slutty barefoot mary poppins”
“ill take the chicken friend steak”
– strunks attempts to order chicken fried steak/have a boyfriend and fails
Do you have an ex-boyfriend thank you?
Have an ex you’ve been meaning to thank for teaching you that you don’t like butt sex? Let us know! And be sure to change their name to protect their privacy…..or not. Whichever.
Krunks has some ex-bf thank you's of her own....
Krunks:
Dear Ronnie,
Thank you for teaching me that big muscles do not equal a big (or even normal sized) dick.
Dear Charles,
Thank you for teaching me that if you date a black guy and you are a skinny, blonde white girl then his mother will most likely hate your fucking guts.
Dear Doug,
Thank you for teaching me that when your boyfriend has twin daughters and lives with his baby mama, then...
“ok seriously finding videos on youtube of retarded people bowling should be way...”
“strunks: i can haz boyfriend?
punks: no you can haz not”
“oh i agree
the only bed-shitting i plan on doing
will be a result of too much...”
– strunks
“so my headphones broke last night,
followed shortly by my balls
because i...”
“Anxiety is my super-power”
Thanks, ex-boyfriends!
Dear Ex-Boyfriends*,
*names have been changed to protect the guilty
We’d like to take this time to thank you for the lessons we learned from you while dating. So without much further ado….
Dear Don:
Thanks for teaching me its not normal for a guy to not cum during sex.
Dear Janus:
Thank you for teaching me that it’s better to keep your simultaneous conquests separated by states
...
DHAB Sale on Cardigans! Get 'Em While They're Hot!
Strunks: i wore mc hammer adidas 3-foot-crotch athletic pants
a patriots jersey with a long sleeve underneath
and a hoodie where i cut up the front of it to make it like a cardigan
to work last week
and my boss Said Something
he was like wow...thats not really an outfit is it
it would have been awkward if i'd cared At All
spoiler alert -- i didn't care At All
Punks: cutting up a sweatshirt to look like a cardigan is the funniest thing i've ever read
also, the saddest
Strunks: right?
no no legit
i have like 3
and i don't even try
so like
i cut right through the pouch
and then just let the 2 sides hang there
i do have a safety pin that i use to keep it closed
but thats just for formal occasions
like when the investor comes
my friend suggested that when the investor comes that i let her staple it shut in the morning before i leave
i'm not sure if it'll be as aesthetically pleasing as the safety pin
but i'm open to trying it
Punks: with the safety pin though, you can take it off if it gets hot
Strunks: exactly
i can make you one if you want
“so i just started to like, visualize myself on a beach with no intestinal track...”
“Yeah but, you know, I’m 2 years younger
I still have time to shit my...”
– Strunks’ younger sister, dhab runs in the family
“christ where are you, i just youtubed hilary duff videos
im fuckin dying over...”
– strunks makes a plea for help
“Ya, come over on thursday and we’ll do some painting
drink some wine...”
– punks&strunks make plans